Moving Ahead Despite My Fears

There’s Something More

In September 2019, I turned 35 years old. All of a sudden, my age became a big deal to me in the sense that I felt the clock ticking. I realized I was getting older, and I didn’t know how much of life I have left to live. It made me think and put life into perspective. I sensed that I needed to become more intentional with living a life of purpose. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to fulfill whatever God’s plans are for me, but at the 35 marker, I felt an urgency to ENSURE my life on Earth counts so that whenever God decides to call me home, I will have done everything He put me on Earth to do.

I had made some pretty significant changes to my life over the past year by leaving my corporate job to become a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher. I had made those changes based on God’s leading, but I sensed there was more that He wanted me to do. I began asking Him what else He wanted to do with my life.

My Red Sea Experience

One night, sometime in early 2020, I had drifted off to sleep, when all of a sudden I heard the sound of water. Now, this sound was not like water running from a faucet or water being poured from a bottle. Instead, it sounded more like a huge waterfall, where the waters were crashing down into a large river that lie beneath. I was asleep, but the sound was so real and sounded so close to me that I tried to wake up; however, I could not. As I lay there in what felt like a dream, I saw a body of water that had been divided so that two walls of water were standing to my right and my left for as high as I could see. I immediately thought it was The Red Sea…you know, the one Moses parted so that the children of Israel could pass through on dry ground as they were fleeing Egypt (see Exodus 14). I was alone in the dream and initially standing on the seashore. Then, I stepped onto the first part of the dry ground where the waters had parted, but I IMMEDIATELY FROZE. Fear overcame me. All I could think about was the POSSIBILITY of the water crashing down on me if I continued walking forward. And that was it…THE END OF THE DREAM. I woke up and sat up in the bed listening intently to see if I heard any water running in the house or to see if it was raining outside, but it was quiet all around.

I thought it was very strange that I’d had such a vivid, real-life dream that was nothing more than me stepping into a “dry sea” without advancing forward. Usually, I don’t remember my dreams, but this one stayed with me. I kept wondering what in the world this could mean. It wasn’t until a month or so later that I understood what the dream meant.

Understanding My Dream: Faith or Fear?

Having been on an intentional journey to figure out what else God wanted me to do, I finally felt led to start blogging about my life. After sharing it with my husband and oldest daughters, they immediately agreed and encouraged me to do it. THIS WAS IT…the “what else” God had for me to do. I was sure of it, BUT I WAS TERRIFIED!!!

• I was afraid of BEING VULNERABLE AND TRANSPARENT in such a way that people see the real me (like the larger portion of an iceberg underneath the sea).
• I was afraid of WHAT PEOPLE WOULD THINK about things they never knew about me.
• I was afraid that MY STORY ISN’T UNIQUE ENOUGH TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE and that THIS WILL JUST BE ANOTHER BLOG that will provide no real value to anyone.
• I was afraid of WHAT MY HUSBAND WOULD THINK about me sharing parts of our story, even though he was completely on board with the idea of me blogging.

I was terrified to the point that it prevented me from moving forward with what I KNEW God was leading me to do. Still feeling the urgency of needing to proceed in the midst of the fear I felt, I pulled out the book Fervent (by Priscilla Shirer) and began reading the chapter on fear. As I was reading, Priscilla started discussing the story of the children of Israel crossing The Red Sea. At that moment, my eyes were opened, and I realized that God was showing me my own self through my “Red Sea” dream. He allowed me to see that just as He prepared the way for the children of Israel to cross through The Red Sea on dry ground, He had paved a way for me to start this blog, but I was ALLOWING fear to prevent me from moving forward. I began thinking, the children of Israel must have felt the fear I did of hearing and seeing the walls of water standing beside them and thinking that they could possibly crash down on them at any moment as they walked through on the dry ground, causing them to drown. They had choices:

1. They could’ve allowed fear to overtake them to the point where they turned around and went back to Egypt, where they would have been killed or continued to endure harsh slavery.
2. They could’ve allowed fear to overtake them to the point where they just froze without stepping foot in The Red Sea. Then the enemy, who was already pursuing them, would’ve overtaken them. 
   OR
3. They could move forward IN FAITH, TRUSTING GOD to keep the waters standing until they all crossed safely to the other side.

Exodus 14 tells us that they chose #3. Sure, they must’ve been TERRIFIED, but they went anyway. And they made it through the sea without the waters crashing down on them because God was with them. They were following the path He had marked out, and they did not allow their fear to be their boss.

Deep in my heart, I know that my story matters and someone needs to hear it. Guess what? Satan knows it, too, and he has been trying very hard to prevent me from telling it by clouding my mind and heart with fear. Yep, I LET him do it because I wasn’t on guard, but now that I recognize his scheming, I can’t let fear keep controlling me. I can’t let Satan have the victory of keeping me from God’s purpose.  I CHOOSE to trust God! Just like the Psalmist in Psalm 56:3-4, even though I’m terrified of being vulnerable and transparent, of what people may think and say, and of the unknown, I CHOOSE to put my trust in the Lord God! There comes a point when you just have to believe! That’s what faith is…believing in what you can’t see; trusting that God is Who He says He is and that He can do what He says He’ll do.  Without faith, it is impossible to please Him (Hebrews 11:6).  He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND (2 Timothy 1:7).  He chose me before I was even conceived in my mother’s womb.  He set me apart, and He appointed me for such a time as this (Jeremiah 1:4-8).  This is what I must believe because THIS is what His word says.

What About You?

What is that thing you know you should be doing? What are you afraid of?

Honestly confess your fears to God, and admit that you have not moved forward because of them. Then, trust the path that He’s already laid out for you, and walk by faith. As you walk forward in faith, He will reveal more and allow you to see the next step. Just trust Him. He’s got you.

If fear is something you are actively struggling with, download these scriptures on overcoming fear. Print them out or write them on a piece of paper, and place them in areas you frequent (e.g. bathroom, kitchen, laundry room/closet, mirror on your dresser, your favorite book, your nightstand, on your computer, etc.)…somewhere you’ll see them often. Let the truth of God’s word sink into your heart so that you can move forward in faith.

You can also use the following prayer to initiate your conversation with God. Be honest and say as much as you need to say. This is just a guide, and it will help if you don’t know where to start.

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not moved forward with what you want me to do because I am afraid. I’m afraid of/that ____________. Please forgive me for allowing fear to overtake me. I want to do what You say. Please help me to trust Your word by being strong and courageous. You are my Maker, and I choose to follow You, the One who FULLY knows me. Let Your strength be made perfect in my weakness, and use my weaknesses to bring glory to Your name. Help me to walk in holy confidence, not fearing anyone or anything, for You promised to never leave or forsake me. Help me to trust that You are always with me. Cause Your face to shine upon me and give me peace. I commit this work to You, and I pray You would cause it to succeed for Your glory alone. Thank You for choosing me and for using me for Your purposes. My life belongs to You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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