Petra’s Story of Moving Forward After Losing Her Husband

“Til death do us part.”

No young woman goes into marriage ready to face the reality of those words. Instead, we dream big and look forward to growing old and gray with the one we love. But what happens when the dreams we hold dear are shattered by sudden and untimely death? How does a young woman find hope to live after losing her husband and best friend?

The answer to those questions is different for every young widow, but I am honored to share with you how one young woman is navigating widowhood. In the interview below, I talk with Petra Gordon about the loss of her husband, her subsequent grief journey, and her decision to move forward with life after her loss. This is a very honest yet inspiring conversation, and I believe it will encourage you to move forward in the hope of God’s keeping power.

My interview questions are shown in bold, and Petra’s responses are shown in italics. You can read more about Petra and find ways to connect in her bio at the end of this interview.

PETRA’S STORY OF LOSS & GRIEF

Please share a little about your loss and grief journey.

In 2017, I lost my father to ALS after a nearly 7-year battle. The following year, in 2018, my husband of 10 years health started to decline. He had battled with diabetes for several years, and it started to impact his overall health. His kidneys started to fail as a result. We were hopeful that things would turn around. However, things did not turn around. On December 16, 2018, at the age of 42, my husband died of a cardiac arrest in our home. He died and we didn’t have any children. So, these last 3 years have been me learning to navigate widowhood and this level of grief and loss.

Will you describe the emotions and fears you have experienced since your husband’s passing and how you have worked through them?

One of the more immediate fears I experienced when he died was around the lack of financial security. At the time, we did not have a signed will, and there was outstanding debt. I was not working as I resigned from my full-time job the year before. So, I worried about whether I would be okay financially. How I worked through these financial worries was working closely with my financial advisor. I was able to settle the debt, cancel all my personal debt, sell the matrimonial home, and purchase my own new house in a different city. I’m financially stronger than I have been in several years.

The other emotion I had to work through was anger. I was angry at my husband for leaving. I had no warning that this was going to happen, and it felt like the wind was knocked right out of me. I would say in the early days, I was in shock, and it all felt very surreal. How I worked through it was releasing the anger. Taking time and space that I needed when I needed it. Reflecting on how much Ian loved me and always wanted the best for me. Worship music was such a comfort to me. I also found refuge in the church I was attending at the time. It seemed like God had a word for me each time I went, and that literally was the thing that kept me from losing my mind. God anchored me during the chaos.

What mindsets, obstacles, and expectations have you had to overcome during your journey?

My husband dying without the signed will was one of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome. That’s why I’m such a huge advocate for people getting their estate affairs in order prior to a crisis. Be prepared for the unexpected.

I personally didn’t have any expectations because I’ve never been through something like this before. I would say I had to overcome the perceived expectations of other people on me. I had to learn to embrace my journey and be okay with the fact that not every person watching me go through this experience will understand my choices and the things I am doing. I also learned that grief and how each widow navigates it is individual and will look different. So, I refrain from comparing myself to others. I also was intentional not to let the judgment and disapproval of others dictate how I navigate my own journey.

I had some survivor guilt in the beginning. It was brief. I thought about the truth, which is that my husband wanted me to be happy and wouldn’t want me to suffer. So, I released that guilt.

LEARNING TO MOVE FORWARD

How did you come to the point of pushing through your pain to move forward with your life, and what has moving forward meant for you?

What was very helpful to me was reading the devotional from T.D. Jakes titled “Crushing: God Turns Pressure Into Power.” I read it for 90 days, and there was a revelation each day showing me that this crushing experience was not meant to destroy, but rather, it was going to produce something good in and through me. It gave me the courage and the faith in God to keep going. I believed that somehow God was going to get the glory out of this.

Grief is not linear, and it doesn’t have an end. What I have learned is how to navigate through the grief while at the same time taking steps forward to fulfill my purpose. I will never forget, but I can take those lessons learned and carry them with me to my next chapter of life.

What has been the hardest part of moving forward?

The fact that I must rebuild and live the rest of my life without my best friend and husband being here with me. That he isn’t here to see the milestones I have made or the dreams that we have shared come to pass. So, though I am growing and making strides, he is missing, and there is nothing I can do about that. It’s the challenge of learning how to let go of the things I can’t control.

What practical steps have you taken to move forward?

After everything was settled with the estate, I started to focus on myself. Who am I now, who do I want to become, what do I want to do? So, taking steps forward has been me doing the self-work.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I did a lot of that throughout my life and especially during the first year after losing my husband. I was able to self-publish my first book, which was a huge accomplishment for me.

The other thing that was huge for me taking steps forward is selling my matrimonial home and moving to a new city. Most thought I was crazy for doing it. Turns out, it was the best thing I could have ever done. It lowered my living expenses to sell and buy in a smaller rural town. It was also a fresh start for me. Everywhere I went in the city I lived in with my husband, I had a constant reminder, and it weighed heavily on me. It was good for my mental health and overall well-being to be able to start over in a new place.

Another step I took was getting my finances in order. I went from having bad credit to having excellent credit. I continue to build wealth and work towards financial independence.

THE IMPACT OF FAITH & GOD’S POWER

How has your faith and relationship with the Lord played a role in your grief journey and your decision to move forward?

My faith in Jesus has been the foundation that has kept me standing. Growing in my faith in God has been what has kept me during the darkest hours. It has kept me from sinking into a dark hole. Worship and applying the word of God in practical ways to my life so that my mind is strong and sound, have helped my faith continue to grow.

God would show me visions and speak to me through that devotional from T.D. Jakes and through my pastors at the time. God gave me hope, and through the various challenges and opposition I would face, God was constant in making ways for me. Supernatural provisions, things we couldn’t explain other than to recognize God was at work, and his hand was upon me in this journey.

For a long time at church, I didn’t say anything, didn’t participate in leading anything. I was still new to the church at the time. Many didn’t even know I had lost a husband. Then, one day out of the blue when they were calling for testimonies, I was ready. I had seen God move on my behalf too many times during that first year after losing Ian that I had to testify to encourage someone else that even when it seems like your back is up against the wall, God is still in control. That day I testified of the goodness of Jesus. That in a very short time of losing my husband, God was raising me up from the ashes. It was an encouragement to others who were going through their own storm. I recognized that my pain is not for me. It’s for God to use it and work it out for my good and the good for others.

How would you describe the Lord’s keeping power throughout your journey?

God has kept me mentally and emotionally. At no time was I angry at God, nor was I ever tempted to turn away from faith in God. I recognized that everything in this life is temporary except for God. He was the one constant in my life, and I refused to let him go. God encouraged me daily in his word. Financially, he kept me. I received checks in the mail that I was not expecting. It was the exact amounts that were needed to close on my house. I lacked for nothing. God gave me favor with bank managers, lawyers, lenders, you name it. Even the house I purchased in that new city; his favor was upon us. He made it so that the house sign just went up; it wasn’t even listed yet. However, someone in the area was a sibling to my realtor and shared about the property. One look inside and right away I knew I was home. Gave an offer and it was accepted right away. The favor of God was just on me during the storm.

LESSONS LEARNED DURING THE JOURNEY

How has this experience impacted your life’s mission and given you purpose?

This experience has shown me how frail life really is, and that without God none of it really matters because once you die you can’t take any of it to the grave. It’s helped me to not take people or things for granted. To value myself and my time more. To guard and protect my peace. I don’t allow negativity in my life, and I don’t settle for mediocre or average.

It’s given me a greater desire to serve the widow community and to help others learn how to navigate crisis and adversity with faith in God. Now more than ever, I desire to serve and build a Kingdom Business that brings glory to God and impacts the lives of more people. If I am to be honest, I had no desire to serve the widow community. I knew I would help people navigate adversity and crisis, but I had no plans to work with widows. God had other plans and compelled me. So, I answered the call. As a result, I completed my Widow Coach Certification in August 2020, and my mission is to help as many widows as I can to navigate this journey. In addition to supporting widows, I feel a responsibility to raise awareness and provide education to the larger community. Places of worship have not done a good job in caring for widows. So, there is definite work to do to help widows on this journey.

What encouragement would you offer and what resources would you recommend to a young widow?

My encouragement to a young widow is to understand that this journey is a marathon and not a sprint. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Avoid comparing to other widows. Embrace your own journey. Through this experience, you will begin to learn a lot more about yourself, in addition to discovering the person you want to become.

This type of loss changes you forever. People around you will go back to being the same and will try to interact with you the same way as before, but won’t be able to because you have changed. Relationships will be different. Some friends will remain, and some will leave. The truth is not everyone can handle what you have gone through, and perhaps the season for that relationship has ended. Be okay letting it go. God will open doors to new relationships.

A Widow’s Might is a great community online for widows that are believers and look for hope amid this loss.

Is there anything else you want our readers to know?

One of the things I have come to terms with because of this experience is that bad things happen. It has nothing to do with what someone might have done to deserve it. It’s just life. That if we live on this earth, bad things will happen. That does not negate the goodness of Jesus. In a dark world, where sin is so rampant, God’s love still trumps it all. What Christ accomplished on the cross gives us a hope. This suffering that we experience in this life is not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. God has great plans for us. We on this journey have to understand that the blessings of God do not come with the absence of pain. God can bless us right amid it.

CLOSING COMMENTS

This concludes my interview with Petra. I would like to thank her for being vulnerable and transparent as she shared her story of moving forward after loss. I hope you have been encouraged by her resilience and determination to move forward in faith.

Petra’s encouragement does not stop here. If you are not a widow but know one, please click the image below to instantly download 5 practical suggestions from Petra on how to support young widows. Also, read Petra’s bio below to learn more about her and ways to connect with her, including a link to purchase her book. You will be greatly encouraged by her ministry.

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