Do you feel overwhelmed, overworked, and overcome by the demands of your current life? Have you said “yes” to so many things that your life is packed to the brim? Have you struggled with setting boundaries because of the expectations that are placed on you?
Well, guess what, sister? I have been there, too!
I thought I had to say “yes” to everything I was asked to do. The concept of setting boundaries and saying “no” appeared to go against the norm. Staying busy seemed like the right way to live, and turning down requests, opportunities, and activities made me feel like a major disappointment to others (and sometimes God). Not to mention the guilt trips of “if I don’t do it, who else will?” It was only so long, though, before my abundance of “yeses” started to weigh on me.
I constantly felt overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed.
I dreaded the thought of showing up to fulfill certain commitments I had made.
I was exhausted and worn out because I had little (if any) time to slow down and rest.
But even though I knew something had to give, I felt bound to keep doing what I had always done…because people depended on me.
So I kept showing up, presenting my best on the outside, while losing heart on the inside.
Somewhere along the way, though, I heard a very wise older woman (the late Dr. Lois Evans) talk about the importance of seeking God’s priorities in each season of our lives and making the necessary adjustments to align with those priorities. That resonated with me because, for the first time, I felt permission to let some things go.
After a lot of pondering and soul searching, I realized that much of what I had been doing was for the sake of meeting the expectations of others, earning their approval, and fulfilling their needs, without regard for my own. And this mentality of “doing” for people had put a constant strain on my life and my most important relationships. My family genuinely NEEDED me, but others DEPENDED on me because I always said “yes.”
In full honesty, it took a tremendous amount of courage to set boundaries and say “no” once I knew the Lord’s priorities for me in that season. However, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made because it brought so much peace and freedom to my life and made room for me to rest. And now, anytime an opportunity arises that does not fit with the priorities of the season, I feel more confident in saying “no” because I have the freedom to give my best self to the people and things that matter most.
Sister, when our plates are too full, we don’t have time or space to do anything well. We prevent ourselves from doing what we do with all of our hearts, as unto the Lord (and not for people), as Colossians 3:23 tells us. We limit our joy and bind ourselves to burdens we were not meant to carry, and we are left feeling empty and depleted.
The Lord never intended for us to be Wonder Women, but women who daily operate in His strength to do what’s important to Him. Once we align ourselves with His priorities, we can live in the freedom Christ came to give! So let’s work on setting boundaries and saying “no” to the things that don’t fit in this season. The Lord will keep us as we walk in sync with Him!
Let’s Get Practical: Reflect & Grow
- Take an inventory of your commitments. Where do you spend your time? To whom do you give your energy?
- Be honest with yourself. Why did you say “yes” to those commitments? Were you genuinely meeting a need or fulfilling an expectation?
- Seek the Lord. Ask Him what is important TO HIM for you to prioritize in this season of your life. Make the necessary adjustments once He shows you those priorities.
I cried the first time I said “no” to something for church. But I knew God wasn’t calling me to add another item to my schedule. Thank you for this post. Boundaries are so important!
I did, too, Rochelle!! It was so hard but so necessary. I’m glad this post resonated with you. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Boundaries are blessings!
That’s what I’m going through right now, I said no to (a person) coming in while I was setting the dinning room in the morning for “after” church and they were making demands for me to serve them before and during service. I tried explaining, that coffee and snacks were for after service. It didn’t go over very well. I’m still standing on my “no”. But this person has caused a lot of grief. She doesn’t think no refers to her or her children. And doesn’t care that I set 45 minutes before church to prepare everything, set buffet up and prep coffee maker. She didn’t care that I got off from work at 3am and was at church earlier then anyone else to make it nice for everyone. She made her demands and she felt I wasn’t acting Christian like, that I should bow down to her and serve her and her children and their demands. Clean up after them and start all over again preparing for after service. She has left the church, but texts people in church trying to cause divisions, she has posted on media sites. But she won’t confront me. I would love to talk to her if I thought it would help. But she won’t listen, because I had to confront her every time she would decide to come to church. And it starts all over again. She just won’t except “no” means “no”.
Rochelle, I am sorry that you are having that experience. I know it wasn’t easy standing firmly on your “no”. I pray that you find peace in knowing you’ve done what you can do, despite how the other person chooses to respond.
This is on point Mel! Such a succinct, well worded reminder especially for the holidays! Whew Jesus help us all!
Thank you, Brittany! Yes, help us, Lord!! It’s a real struggle!
Loved this! Yes sis to the No’s!!!!
Thank you, sis!! They are necessary!
I love this! Thanks for sharing.
I’m so glad, Jacqueline! Thank you for letting me know. Blessings to you!
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It is such an honor to have this post on your list of best blogs. I pray it blesses your readers. Blessings to you!