When the stay-at-home order first went into effect in Alabama because of the coronavirus pandemic, I found myself in a whirlwind of anxiety. I had already been staying home with our kids for the past couple of years, so that was the least of my worries. My husband, however, had to go to work, and even when his job was put on hold for six weeks, he still went out and found other work to do to provide for our family (isn’t he a darling?!). I was grateful for his persistence in providing for us, but I was TERRIFIED and WORRIED for his safety (and ours. too). One day, as I was trying to explain to him how I felt, he tried to reassure me by saying, “God’s got us.” My response back to him was, “but He let my Momma die.”
The room grew silent.
Did I really just say that out loud? Where did that come from?
It had been almost 12 years since my mom passed, and I had not said that before, at least not out loud. But it was there…lingering DOUBT that I had not dealt with.
Momma had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure 10 years before her death, but my family and so many others had been praying for her healing on this side of Heaven. I know that we will all have to die one day, but the timing of her death just did not make any sense. The fact that we were praying God’s Word over her and believing the promises in His word made it seem as if He did not honor our faith or belief in Him.
I finally admitted it, though: I had trouble trusting God, particularly for things like healing, protection, miracles, or massive/impossible things. I believed in Him, but I struggled with going all the way with my belief, as if there were limits, not to what He COULD do but to what He WOULD do. So many times, I’ve had to pray, “Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).
To be completely transparent, I still struggle with believing that God WILL do some things, but every time I get there, I have to just CHOOSE to believe that His Word is true, that He is faithful, and that He loves me. It has been A PROCESS of working through my faith.
I really enjoy reading the Psalms because they show me that it’s okay to express my raw, honest emotions to God. It is so encouraging to read how David and the other Psalmists expressed their fear, anger, worry, and concern to God and that they even asked God questions like “How long, Lord?” (Psalm 13), “Why have you forgotten me?” (Psalm 42), and “Why are you so far?” (Psalm 22). However, one thing I have learned is that although they asked God questions, they usually found their way back to hoping in Him by the end of the Psalm (even though their circumstances had not changed). This process of being honest with God while asking questions (not questioning His sovereignty) is what has helped me grow the MOST in my faith.
There is no doubt we will experience trials that shake our faith (John 16:33). God’s Word is the one thing that will keep us anchored despite the hard things that come our way. Reading God’s word on a regular basis is crucial because we NEED it to survive hard times. When we come to those tight places in our lives where we struggle to believe God or the promises in His Word because of what He’s allowed to happen to us, it is then that we have to lean into God with all we have and CHOOSE to believe His Word, even though we can’t see it and don’t understand it. That’s what faith is…believing what we don’t see. He will meet us in our pain and grant us the strength to move forward and continue trusting Him.
Let’s Get Practical: Reflect & Grow
- What happened in your life that shook your belief in God?
- What has helped you work through your doubts and questions so that you could believe God again?
- How has God’s Word been an anchor for you in hard times? If you are not already, make a commitment to spending regular time reading God’s Word. Find scriptures about trusting God during difficult times. Learn them and meditate on them so that you establish roots that will keep you anchored when the storms of life come.
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